Year: 2010

Alexandra Burke murdered Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah but, alarmingly, it sold 105,000 copies in one day, breaking the world record previously held by X-Factor winner Leona Lewis.

A pork scratching is a bit of fried fat. That’s it. It’s a veritable double-whammy for arteries.

Ageing is a linear thing: you’re born, time passes, you eventually turn out looking like a rumpled hessian sack and then you die

There are no arable crops or animals at health farms – only fatties

Then there’s the Citroën Pluriel – an abhorrence.

Colonic irrigation will remove dried-up stools, dead tissue, parasites, worms and the odd bag of carrots.

If you’re a biffa don’t let Gok coerce you into showing your dangly bits to a 200-strong all-chav crowd in the Bluewater Shopping Centre

How do you get a job in a think tank? What do you put on your CV? ‘I’m good at… thinking?’

Finding the G-spot is like trying to find an earring that fell behind the washing machine

So let’s just call this Added Tax or AT. It doesn’t sound so good, but it is telling the truth.