Year: 2010

This is just an excuse to check people’s bits out. Every week unfortunates arrive at the Embarrassing Bodies artic with skin problems, smelly armpits and wonky/saggy boobs.

Anyone who tells you they think clowns are scary is talking balls.

A washboard stomach is only achieved if you are 21, a fitness instructor or a political prisoner.

If you have a degree in general studies, you are one of two things: 1) air or 2) thick.

Horse racing has no place on television. It’s fine if you are in a betting shop but any TV channel that has dedicated half a day to this most soporific of sports should consider reviving the testcard.

Tom Jones cannot now be regarded as sexy. He looks like a twilight moon wearing a goatee.

The fact is a civil servant is part of a huge clunking organisation that – let’s be clear – is absolutely not there to help you.

A cat is a 16-year mistake that’ll hurt you from day one.

A fat person in skinny jeans looks like a piping bag full of sausage meat.

Bad hair is the human equivalent of a poorly chosen garnish.