Women like a sense of humour

Yes they do, but they won’t go out with you if you look like you’ve been hit by a stray four-pronged pitchfork.

Of course women like to be charmed and they like men to make them smile or even giggle in that girly giggly way that’s endearing in the first few months but monumentally irritating after a year.

But that’s hugely optimistic. The fact is they’ll size you up, check out your arse, and if they don’t fancy you that, my friend, is it. There’ll be no face-sucking for you.

A good sense of humour is secondary. Any claims that it is the primary cause of attraction misleads ugly men into thinking that normal, functional girls will be throwing themselves at you if you can tell a decent gag and form a sentence. You have to face the truth: you won’t pull Cindy Crawford if you have been cursed with a baboon’s arse for a face.

So, the advice is, play in your own looks league… unless of course, you’re loaded.